If you’re anything like me, you fell in love with music at an early age and it became your whole life. For me, music was a refuge, an alternative reality. I was more than motivated—I was obsessed. Let’s look at how goals and expectations can lead us astray: let’s consider musicians and magical thinking.
Having dreams and the goals to reach them is great. But too often our dreams are fueled by magical thinking. We think that once we’ve achieved a specific career marker that our lives will be transformed. So we tell ourselves, “I’ll be happy once I . . . [win the audition / get a manager / release my album]. . .” Or we think, “My career will really take off when I . . .”
We think that once we [fill in the blank], that we’ll be exempt from whatever self-esteem and interpersonal issues we have. And our daily struggles will be eliminated. And we imagine that if we get the external validation we seek, that we’ll be rescued from our demons.
How does magical thinking affect musicians?
Here’s how it worked for me: my dream was to get a tenure track college teaching job and play lots of chamber music. I trained as a cellist, got a doctorate from Stony Brook University and studied in Paris for a couple of years. I landed a cello teaching position at a state university in California and then one in upstate New York. That should have been happy ever after—I’d reached my goal, right?
Well . . . I like to say I’m living proof that it’s possible to get exactly what you want in life and then find out it isn’t what you wanted after all.
News flash: reality doesn’t conform to our fantasies.
The truth is I wasn’t prepared for what these jobs were actually like. I’d never really thought about it because I was too busy chasing the dream. I hadn’t considered what the daily frustrations might be, the departmental politics, the ability level of the students. Or the need to continually seek new inspiration to develop as an artist and teacher. And I was clueless about how to make a life for myself in the places I’d landed. The first job was in the raisin capital of the world and the second in a small college town in New York’s North Country.
I had done so much work to get these jobs, but had no idea about the work I’d need to do to make a real life for myself in these places.
So what really happened?
The short-hand explanation I usually use for all this is that I got burnt out with the whole tenure track thing. Which was true.
But it’s also true that I became horribly depressed. And that my whole world and my sense of identity in it had been shattered. Music was no longer a refuge and my dream job was only a fantasy.
I ended up moving back to Boston (where I’d gone to school earlier) to try to put myself back together. I needed to create a life that made sense in my new reality. Not easy to do when your motivation has deserted you and both your past and your sense of self have become unrecognizable. Though I still loved music, it was no longer a refuge. I found I no longer wanted to pursue performing and teaching as a cellist.
It was a very dark time. Magical thinking was not the answer.
And I’m SO thankful for all the support I had through this.
I’m also thankful for the experience I’d had as a grad student at Stony Brook—where I ran a startup music career development initiative. That experience helped me get the job at New England Conservatory directing the career center. I took the job thinking it might be good for a year or two while I figured out my next move. But this kind of career coaching work turned out to be my calling.
My own journey has helped sensitize me to the interplay of motivations, obstacles, and opportunities that factor in each of our lives. I’m fascinated with the process. I love helping other musicians clarify their goals and navigate their own paths to reach their full potential.
Challenges are part of the journey: Magical thinking only gets in the way.
It’s common to have challenges adjusting to new jobs or new circumstances. Whether it’s a teaching gig, an orchestral job, or arts administration. Sometimes this is simply a matter of learning to adapt to a new environment. And figuring out how to balance getting your needs met while being of service to others. Other times this involves confronting our own magical thinking. And the fantasies we’ve created about our work, our purpose, and our selves.
The good news is you don’t have to go it alone! We all have our own demons to deal with—and connecting with others helps.
My question for you: how has magical thinking shown up for you? We’ve all engaged in it—what’s your story and the insights you gained? I’d love to hear from you!
for more help with goal setting see this on aligning goals with intended results.
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